Something feels a little wrong, but you don't bother thinking about it because you're just so hungry. But by the end, you're struggling to swallow the gluey mess. You finally realise what is wrong: you accidentally used – it hurts me to say it – smooth peanut butter instead of crunchy.
Smooth peanut butter is the boring, gluey, stuck-up version of its ruggedly charming cousin. The 'Crunchy versus Smooth' issue has been hotly debated on the internet and it seems like there are a lot of sensible people on the internet because it looks like Team Crunchy is winning. And for all you hipsters out there, this is one time when going mainstream truly is better.
One of the most important criteria used when comparing foods is the health benefits. I guess I don't even need to tell you which peanut butter is healthier. Even though they are both rich in fat, there are more 'healthy' or unsaturated fats in crunchy than in smooth. Smooth has more unhealthy saturated fats in it. Two tablespoons of smooth have 3.4g of saturated fats in them, whereas the same amount of crunchy contains only 2.5g.
I'm sure you've heard about the benefits of fibre for your digestive system and the lowering of blood cholesterol. A fibre-rich diet can also help to prevent certain types of cancer. Crunchy peanut butter has about 30% more fibre in it than smooth does.
It also feels healthier to eat because you know you are eating real nuts. None of this ultra-processed nonsense for you! And doesn't it make you feel better when you know those poor little peanuts haven't been ground to oblivion and mixed in heartlessly with all their brothers and sisters?
One of the things that are appealing about certain foods, like potato crisps, is the crunch and the same goes for peanut butter. A crunchy texture is far more satisfying and makes you feel fuller than smooth.
And for those of you suffering from arachibutyrophobia, which is the fear of getting peanut butter stuck on the roof of your mouth, crunchy is less likely to cement your mouth closed. Crunchy peanut butter actually gives you something to chew and it is a lot more elegant to eat in public because you don't have to spend ages trying to get all that gooeyness off the roof of your mouth. Trust me, you're not going to be happy when a cute boy walks past and you're just sitting there flicking your tongue in and out of your mouth like an oh-so-seductive chameleon.
So next time you're standing in front of the peanut butter shelf at the supermarket, which jar are you going to reach out and take? Crunchy, of course!